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You Don’t Fear the Thing – You Fear its Outcomes

You Don’t Fear the Thing – You Fear its Outcomes

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What if I told you that we are not scared of the things, but rather the consequences they bring? It sounds like a paradox, but it is true. For example, we might be terrified of spiders and this fear prevents us from ever looking at one. In reality though, they would only really cause harm if they were poisonous or something dangerous in some other way. However because these outcomes are possible (even if unlikely), then our terror overcomes any curiosity and keeps us away from them all together. 

The same principle applies in many other aspects of life too – we’re afraid of not passing an exam even though it’s just paper; we’re afraid to confront someone who has hurt us even though talking about it could make both people feel better.

We shy away from things thinking we are afraid of them, or that they are unpleasant, but in reality all we’re trying to do is escape from the consequences.

You aren’t really afraid of failing a class. What you are afraid of is the humiliation if you had to stay a year back.

You aren’t really afraid of confronting someone. What you are scared about is if you do get hurt, the pain and time it will take to heal, or how hard your recovery might be on those around you.

You aren’t scared of the it, you are scared of the what if.

If you can take care of the what ifs, then there is really no need to be scared.

And when you are getting affected by the what ifs , it’s better that you get affected by the ‘what if it works?’ instead of ‘what if it doesn’t work?’.

We have the power to change things around – and for the better. We just need to change and readjust our focus.

If we can look at the consequences of our failure before it happens and take it as an example of what we don’t want, then we can also look at what results our success could bring and take it as our motivation to go forward.

If one looks at consequences before they occur then she would also look forward with hope and would work towards it, instead of the dreadfulness of what might happen if you do not accomplish the certain something. 


If you were given two options as the outcomes of the same thing – a reward or a penalty – then which one would you choose?

The obvious answer is the reward. It’s always better to work towards something that has a positive outcome rather than working for an undesirable consequence, because if you see potential for the future because of that activity you are certain to put in much more effort. Let’s take an example for instance – You have to study. If you do not, you fail and if you do study, you pass. You might think the stakes are equal in both the cases. but that’s not quite true. You feel that failing is much worse than just passing because there is no incentive for passing – it’s the bare minimum.

In the first case, if you fail and do not study then there is a chance that your future will be ruined. You might have to take an extra year of school and even worse – repeat it all over again! 

But in this scenario where we are talking about studying, and studying well for success instead – what happens? You succeed at your exam by working hard and preparing yourself beforehand; you go into class with confidence because you’ve studied so much. And this is not just passing. This scenario really is about being above all others in terms of the efforts you’ve put.

Here the end result would be being the top of the class and having that confidence in yourself and the feeling of satisfaction and other emotions that accompany them are much more important.

You see that when you saw the end result of not studying as failing, you put in just enough effort to pass. However  when you see the end result of studying as being at or near to top in class, you put in more time and effort because you want something as opposed to working because you want to avoid something.

There’ll be a huge difference when you clean your room because you don’t wanna get thrashed by your mother versus when you clean your room when you want it to look nice (or maybe when you’re friends are coming over). 

The difference just really shows. One can really tell if something has been done whole heartedly or superficially.

If you’re afraid or worried – don’t let fear stop your progress! You can’t let fear stop you from doing the things that will make your life better.

If we are scared of what might happen when something goes wrong then it is more likely than ever not to go work out because there was already very little effort put into making sure this would be successful because no one believed that it would be successful.

This is what we need to do in order for us not to be scared of our future anymore, but instead excited about it – so that we can genuinely work for it!


Why You Can Memorise Entire Songs But Not Your Study Material

Why You Can Memorise Entire Songs But Not Your Study Material

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Tujhe dekha to yeh jana sanam…

Don’t tell me you didn’t sing Pyar hota hai deewana sanam in your mind.

Almost every Indian (or maybe North Indian) knows at least the first two lines of this legendary song. This song is just one example of the plethora of songs that most of us know by heart and could sing them even if someone wakes us up in the middle of the night.

Are you aware of the reason why we know all these songs word by word?

Is it because they have awesome beats, heart touching lyrics and amazing melodies? 

Sure they do.

But don’t we also tend to remember even the worst of songs that have the same word repeating over and over again? *cough* Tony Kakkar *cough* 👀

They don’t have great beats or melody or even meaningful, let alone heart touching lyrics. Then what makes them imprinted in our minds?

It is just because of our action of listening to them again and again, intentionally or unintentionally. Soon after being released, we hear them so many times – on the radio, on Spotify or on YouTube – that we have no choice but to absorb them.

The mere repetition of the song made sure they are always on the tip of our tongue. 

And there’s another noteworthy observation that we don’t memorise entire songs in one go or even if we listen to it 5 times in a row.

The first time you hear a song, you don’t sing. You just listen along and enjoy it.

The second time or the next day when you hear it, you sing along to maybe the first two lines or the first stanza.

The third time or a couple of days later when you hear it, you almost make it through half the song.

The fourth or fifth time you hear it, you can sing along the entire song, but fumbling a bit.

Around the seventh time or week later, you know the entire song.

When you hear it the tenth or the twentieth time around a month later, you can probably sing the song more confidently than the singers themselves.

Essentially your memorization for the song lyrics were spaced out over a period of time which made remembering them easier.

The repetition coupled with the fact that the repetitions were spaced out helped you recall the songs with ease.

You may have had this question in your mind at least once too. 

Now you know why you can memorise the songs. It’s because you repeat them many times over a period.

This statement itself also explains why you cannot memorise your test notes or study material. 

The fact that we try and cram the notes in one night and expect to remember everything is bizarre. 

There would be no way that the content would have not seeped in our minds. We neither repeat it, nor space it out. This directly affects our retention of the data we studied.

So the next time you want to learn something, and memorise it you know that you just need to repeat (repetition) the content multiple times, over a period (spacing it out). This seems like common knowledge and something really obvious, but we don’t pay that much attention to it.

This is an actual study technique and is quite popular among students completing higher studies such as graduation or post graduation. It is known as Spaced Repetition. Even though it can be explained elaborately, the crux is to repeat the content periodically after studying it. (One of the most popular schedule is repeating it after 1 day, 7 days, 15 days, 35 days and 60 days)

You can memorize both songs and study material now 😉😂

Comment below what are the songs that you can sing even when you’re half asleep.

Meanings that We Give to Things

Meanings that We Give to Things

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Here’s another short lesson including two of many people’s favourite – shopping and Harry Potter. 

Yep, you heard it right. You already know that I like Harry Potter and I don’t absolutely love shopping but I don’t hate it either. I mean shopping is fun if you go shopping for yourself 🤷‍♀️

So this friday I went shopping and got some really cute t-shirts. One of them included an adorable blue Harry Potter t-shirt with a Hogwarts symbol that I found hidden in the back.

When I came back home, I tried all the clothes and wore the HP t-shirt for way longer than others, skipping around the house. I was tremendously glad that I got my hands on the gem and was super satisfied.

Tired of putting up with my extra energy and cheerfulness my mum finally spoke.

“I get it that you like it and it’s cute. But at the end of the day, it’s just a t-shirt.”

And I think – yes, fair point.

But then I go, “What if you had a t-shirt with Tony Robbins on it?” 

(For some context – Anthony Jay Robbins aka Tony Robbins is an American author, coach, speaker, and philanthropist. He is known for his infomercials, seminars, and self-help books including the books Unlimited Power and Awaken the Giant Within and my mother is a huge fan of him. She has even attended one of his seminars in-person.)

In response to my question, she straightened up her posture and started walking with pride. 

“Exactly!”, I said.

In my mind, I thought – that my mom was the same person, and a t-shirt would still be a t-shirt, with Tony Robbins or without.

But what would have changed would be the meaning mumma would give to the t-shirt (and even I gave to the HP t-shirt). It was how we felt that changed our perspectives.

Ain’t that the case with all things?

Things are what they are. But everyone gives them a different meaning and feels accordingly. How you feel about sleep may not be what someone feels about sleep. A small kid thinks of sleep as a compulsion he or she does because they’re parents force them to, but you may see sleep as your ultimate comfort and your escape mechanism.

And I feel that it’s an advantage. You are given a blank slate and you can make whatever you want out of it; instead of going to square one and making your own thing.

We have the power to change how we look at things and take action accordingly. Situations are purely based on the perspective we see them with. A situation remains the way it is – you have to decide whether it’s win or a loss.

Take a guess at what’s my Hogwarts house. I think it’s gonna be easy for Potterheads to catch it but let’s see. I wanna look at what house you people think I am in.


How the 72 Hour Rule Can Help You

How the 72 Hour Rule Can Help You

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When you have a problem, whether it be an argument with your friend or a bad day at work or school – how often do you let the problem get to you? We let our problems affect us more than we realize, and some people aren’t even aware they are letting problems affect them. 

I was in the same boat a couple of times in the last week and have gone through this way more times than I could count in the past. 

One of the many instances involved me anxious and distressed because of the crushing stress of my subjects’ practicals. Sure, a little concern was required to get the work done and the syllabus completed, but there was definitely no need to get as panicked as I was, at the time. As I took a few deep breaths, I asked myself – if I looked back to today after merely 3 days, would it be worth the anxiety? The answer was a clear no, because I knew that as soon as I’d be done with the exams, I wouldn’t bother about it.

And this is the case with almost all of the things that worry us. Once a deadline is gone, we will not look back.

That’s where the 72 hour rule flashed in my mind after being hidden for a couple of years. 

I could not recall the exact words, but it was something along the lines of “if it won’t bother you in 72 hours, it’s not worth fretting over”.

All I could think was that it’s so damn true. Your older version will genuinely laugh over things that made younger you super upset. As you grow, the problems you face earlier don’t seem to be as difficult, just as 2+2 is not difficult to you anymore.

What was even more noteworthy was that this rule can be extended to other situations too in your life. This rule can not only be used in anxious situations, critical arguments but can also be used to control your anger.

Hurting because of someone’s words? Give it 72 hours. Furious at someone? Use the 72 hour rule. 

We often feel this extreme need to react to a situation, which can easily turn into overreactions, and even burning the bridges over the pettiest of matters. 

I think even my situation with a friend would have deteriorated had I not been preoccupied with the thoughts of the very same practicals.

He had actually behaved in a way that he had never done before and it came as a bit of a shock to me and I was ready to rant about it to my other friend (who also had her practicals).

So we decided to talk about it after we would be done with our practicals.

The next day when I woke up, I did not feel the need to vent out anything to anyone. I was surely a little mad, but nothing that couldn’t be sorted out by just talking it out.

I am not encouraging you to suppress your emotions and not speak out what you’re feeling – it is just giving yourself time to make sure that it is what you are feeling. Like i said earlier, sometimes we feel angrier about something than we actually are. If you do feel the same thing even after 72 hours go right ahead and speak your mind.

The rule is simple. Whenever something tends to upset you or someone’s actions or words infuriate you, wait for 72 hours before showing your emotions. In simpler words, hold back your immediate reaction and give yourself 72 hours before coming down to any conclusion.

Ordinarily, you will see that things have improved merely within 24 hours; as was my case. Till the 3rd day, or the 72nd hour, my friend and I were as good as usual, maybe even better. 

So sometimes, it’s good to pause before you react 🙂

Tell me about an instance where you have waited before reacting to a situation and it has actually brought about a positive effect.


Asking is the Beginning of Receiving

Asking is the Beginning of Receiving

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Now that my exams are over, I have something to share with you that I learnt during that time (Don’t worry I’m not gonna tell you about physics, maths, chemistry or biology).

Have you ever felt like ‘It would be so wonderful if I could do this?’, or ‘It would be so wonderful if this was allowed?’ 

Something along those lines happened to me after my exams, during my practicals. I have PCMB, so I had to give the practicals for physics, chemistry and biotechnology and therefore, complete the respective files.

This year being the year of online classes, you can imagine how much of my (or any other student’s) practical file would be complete. It was pretty much not even started at all.

On one hand, the permission to type out physics file in a word document made the herculean task a little less scary. However, on the other hand my friends in the other section (who had different teachers) being allowed to type out every file hurt almost as much as a physical wound. 

I yearned to just type out my file, knowing I could do it much easier and faster. But, alas! I was told to write and submit the file. 

But then I wondered, “True that I have been told to submit handwritten work. But am I not allowed to type out the files? How do I know that for sure? Did I ask? Nope.”

So I decided to ask my teachers. What could be the worst? Them saying no and then I’d have to write and submit – which I’m going to do anyways. I might as well shoot my shot.

I asked my chemistry teacher if I could submit it as a typed file since the children from the other section were typing it out too. There I had a Yes!

Then I proceeded to my biotechnology teacher. I asked  her if I could turn in a typed file since I was doing the same in physics and chemistry. And there I had a Yes! Again. 

I actually turned in all three of my files typed, while most of my classmates turned in two of three files by writing them by hand, even though they too would have wanted to type them.

If you’ll ask them why they didn’t type it out, the response you’ll get is probably, “We could type the files?”. Like yeah maybe, if you asked you could. 

This was not it. I had goofed up a bit in my physics viva, and wanted to give it another shot. But the timing for school was over and the teacher still had to take viva of around 20 more students. So I really had to choose between letting my viva be as it was, or ask the teacher if I could give it another shot, in front of 20 other students who were still waiting for their turn after the school timings (not to mention the fact that I was myself eager to go home and crash out). But then again, i had nothing to lose if she said no and i guess marks to gain if she said yes.

But as you can figure out there was almost no possibility of me getting a retake. And it’s true. She did not give me a retake.

However, what did happen was that our practical teacher was also in the same room. I had attended almost every practical class (yup even online), so he knew me. 

He overheard me talking to the teacher and offered to listen to the answer instead. BOOM! There I had my yes.

It’s just that I needed to ask first, to actually get all the yes. And honestly, you may not even get a yes every time. These are just the instances that happened too close to one another and actually had a success rate. I’m sure there were instances that I got a no in. But firstly, one only tends to remember the instances which confirm or support one’s prior beliefs or values. And secondly, you have nothing to lose in case things don’t go your way. You’d still be doing them as you would do before asking about them. It’s better to ask than to assume and make a fool of yourself.

But you do need to ask for it first for being said yes (or being allowed to do it). Ask and you might receive.

It’s like the Tata Sky ads – Poochne Mein Kya Jaata Hai

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, take a look at these ads (even if you do know what I’m talking about you can watch the ads cause they’re quite funny).