Here’s something about me that only a few people close to me know – if I’m doing something passive, like commuting to my classes, running errands, or doing chores, I hate being by myself.
Doing the mundane stuff at home by myself is still somewhat tolerable. But if the situation requires me to leave the house, I’ll make extra efforts to make sure someone accompanies me.
Joining classes for entrances put me in one such situation.
Even though there are a bunch of kids from my school there, none of the ones I knew was in my batch.
As nervous as I was about the whole thing, being in a place where you have no history felt refreshing.
Unlike my school where I was often found in the front or middle rows, here I could sit in the last row without anyone there to judge, or worse mock me for it. That’s not to say I was an outcast in school, but it felt liberating to not have anyone’s expectations of me.
I had no fixed box that I had to check all the time to make sure I was behaving in a way that people would usually expect from me in school.
Nor did I have any particular image to fit in or uphold. So, for the first time in a while, I felt like I was able to carve out a new identity for myself.
It was freeing to hang out with friends beyond the ones I already had, and not be called on by the teacher to answer because that’s what they expect of me.
It’s not that I do not like how people see me at school or I have to put up a facade. No, nothing like that. It’s just exhilarating to present yourself in a new light, from scratch.
The most important thing about this entire experience was that it only happened because I was alone. If I had gone with someone from my batch or even my school, I would’ve still been the same person they knew and the same image would’ve followed me. Unless you leave your comfort zone (you comfort people included), you won’t be able to know what all sides you have to yourselves.
So even though I’m still reluctant to be alone, I savour these experiences because I know that it helps me grow as a person. And I hope you do too.